.contradictions.

owells,in the end,i still choose to deceive myself.
something i can never let go.
something i find,so hard to understand.
something only i would feel.
life changes,
things have changed.
i look around at my surrounding,it is constantly changing.
people come people go.
friends are the same,they come and go.

i found a new way to describe PAIN
it comes and go like the wind,
it is as transparent as glass.
you can feel it tugging at your ends,
but you will never be able to see it.

define friendship?
sometimes i wonder if friendship ever last.
things change.
things never went back to how it was since the other time.
it isnt a drastic change,
people might not be able to tell,
but yes i can feel it.
am i being rather sensitive about it?
im not sure.i dont know.
i dont like playing this game.this game is tiring me out.
this aint the first time this is happening already.
its always like that.someone comes,im left behind.
when things happen,im being picked up again.
since many years back.
yes,many sacrifices were made,i saw them,i appreciate them.alot.
but you knowing how much it will hurt,you knowing how much it will affect me,you still do it.
yes you have many burdens to carry,i have my problems too.
this is all too much for me to take,it hurts fucking bad.
maybe just like every other time,you are gonna say im self-pitying,
im childish,or maybe you will say im brainless.
i dont know,a human's tongue is always the most dangerous weapon of all.cause it pierce straight into the heart.and leave a open wound that would prolly take years to heal.
you know me.you know my past.you know every weak point.why still pick at them?
you said to me before,you promised me,
i remember,outside lunar.
you said,from that day onwards you will spare a thought about how i feel,
do you know how happy i was?
i know you care,thats why your words hurt.
but babes,it hurt too much.
im hurting too much.i never had many good friends,so i hold you very close to my heart.
but this never ending circle seems like it will go on for quite awhile.

i dont know what to do anymore.

jiabao


I hide with the ghost,playing in the darkness
It's what i love the most,i am all alone
Enjoying the silence,enjoying my home
You'd say I ran away,while you stayed to play
With facades in shallow graves
This is not my scene,it's your thing
To be the life of every moment,while I live inside my dreams
Moments like these,revealing the true me
Moments like these,seeing so clearly
A side you will never see