i miss you.but its human nature to be selfish.im sorry

i havent been blogging here for quite awhile.

growing up have never been easy.

never been as smooth as i wished it would be.

learning to be independant is even harder.

there is so many a times where i wished things would be like how it were.

every single time,

i can run to my pillar of strength,

my support when im gonna break.

but things have change,and i know she have her own life to lead.

she cant live her life for me.

she cant build her life all around me.

she do have her own problems,

and adding mine to hers aint gonna do her any good.

i know that if right now i run to her she would still be there with her arms wide open,

but i know at this point of time,

she cant take my problems,

maybe in time to come,

when she settle down,

when things get a little better,

i will just fucking breakdown infrot of her.

cause i know,even if the whole fucking contradicting world walks out on me,

she will still be there.

no many how many fights we have,

no matter how many time we fall out with each other,

things would work their way out of it.

even though right now,we haavent been meeting up alot,

she never left my thoughts.

constantly i find myself talking about her to everyone i can.

cause the thought of all the times we shared will never fail to make me smile(:

and of course the credit goes to her,

my best bitch of all time,

KRYTAL ALEXIS LIM(:

i miss my clique,i miss all of them.

from trav to dawn to pris to joelle and uncle too.

i miss those happy times we used to share.

those were the days,

i miss all the silly little things we do together.

all the laughter we shared.

those times where you guys would hug me and tell me everything is gonna be ok.

and whever i feel down,the words you guys gave,

will always somehow get me through it all.

I MISS YOU ALL:(

i wish growing up and learning to be independant wouldnt be so hard:(

jiabao

i am happy for you.
though it means nothing.
i still want you to know,
i still care about you.
i want you to be happy,
to do well in life.

things i want to tell you but i dont have the courage,
do take care of yourself,
do drink less,
do go home more often,
do go back to school and study hard.
and just be happy and i have never meant to hurt you,
but i cant go on.im sorry i cannot be that one
.i hope one day,you will find someone who can give you what you want.
although i cant get to hear those words you said you would say to me(after bejamin buttons show).
but i want you to know even after all these compunction,
i still do care about you and wishes you will be kept away from pain,
danger or whatsoever at arms length.
i dont know how long it will take for you to forgive me,
but just bear in mind,im here if you need someone.
i am sorry.really sorry.

ji nian ping will always be just a ji nian ping now.

growing up in a very complicated family haven't been easy.
when i was little,
i never had the chance to be loved.
maybe yes,mummy loves me,
but it was never carried across in a right way.


when i was young,
i do everything alone.
little and vulnerable,i can only depend on myself.
i take walks alone.
i sleep alone.
i watch the trash play in the wind till noon.


i succumb to my fears,
my fear of being alone.
the yearning of being loved.
through this years,
i made many mistakes,
to find somewhere i belong.
did many wrong things,
but i never did regretted doing them,
cause its the mistakes that mould me to be a stronger person.
i remember someone close to me once told me:
what that doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


through these years,
i've been through couple of heartbreaks,
but these are all inevitable isn't it?
i always trust people.
way toooo easily,
thats why im always prone to get hurt.
i believe whatever they have to say,
i believe it when they say they love me.
knowing how much it will hurt when they leave me hanging at my ends,
they will still do it.
i sow the seed,
i see it grow,
and they will ripped it off its root,
denying it a chance to live.
leaving behind broken roots,
and chunks of dirts.


that wall i build around my heart,
its my only source of strength.
my life bouy.
i hope someone will
reassure me of my fears.
take my hand and run,
run away from my past,
run away from my fears,
run away from everything,
to where they only have me in mind,
and where i would do the same.



a fairytale kind of ending.
am i asking for too much?

this shall be my last post,im gonna stop blogging.my last words.

im sorry,

i do miss you.

I'm Sorry lyrics

The first time we met time stood still

You left me breathless

Suddenly speechless. 

Within the hour we were one

Two total strangers kissing the moonlight. 

Oh, you know I'm sorry I had to go

I'm really sorry it had to die

I'm really sorry I made you cry

Cry. 

We fell in love between the nights

Of too many lovers and too many teardrops. 

And fate won't resist some satin sheets

I was so helpless

Totally ruthless. 

Oh, you know I'm sorry I had to go

I'm really sorry you're hurt inside

I'm really sorry I made you cry 

Cry, cry. 

Love is lifting you up and draggin' you down

Makes you go round and round and round

Time makes a stop then it's all gone

Funny how memories keep lingering on.